What did your mother say that made your jaw drop?

My mother said to me “ Why didn’t you speak to me about this before”

What on earth has brought this on, said my mother?

Well she is so snotty, O.K. she may have married a bit of money, I don’t know but she feels she is above everybody else.

Are there any real-life examples of prisoners who escaped from hospitals and were never caught?

Well I slept with the president of the Lawn tennis Association year ago, I think he may have remembered!!

“Oh come off it mum what would be the point?”

True - how I loved my mum!

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Do you know what she said mum?

Well the other day she came into my shop asking for the usual discount and mentioned that she had tickets for the wimbledon Tennis final but couldn’t go.

So I said to my sister “ You mean to say that that you leave two empty seats rather than give them to your brother” I replied in astonishment. - “Well yes thats how it works in our circle!” responded my sister.

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Well son “ I think I might have got you some tickets”

What! how could you do that?

“Mum why is my sister such a bitch!”

Why are white women so hard to date?

She said, “Oh no I can’t give you our tickets, if we can’t go, well we don’t go - it is just not done to give away final tickets.”

About 30 years back, I was speaking with my mother.

What do you mean son?

Is it sinful for Christians to look at beautiful women?

Oh I said, can my wife have them she would give her right arm to see a Wimbledon tennis final?